Letter Home
by SweetKimchii
Summary: Optimism breathes life into hopes and dreams that were once thought pointless. Dreams of a future with the one you've fought your hardest to be with. Hopes of a home that you promised to each other. With the fall of the Reapers, maybe having optimism wasn't too bad.
1. Letter Home

Letter Home

You're the only girl that

I have ever wanted

Every other girl is trying to be you

My mama says that I should write you letters

[…]

Take my hand, you'll like it

You don't even have to call

Take my hand

You don't even have to call

[…]

You're somewhere out there after all

You're all I ever wanted

You're all I ever wanted

You're all I ever wanted

Letter Home – Childish Gambino

* * *

"Here, take him."

"Shepard?"

Bewilderment and pain crackled through Garrus' sub-harmonics, voice weaker than Shepard was used to hearing it, his eyes locking with hers instantly. Hazel-green bore into his crystal blue eyes, her voice striking like lightning through his battered body. Tali wrapped her arm tightly around Garrus, neither of her oldest friends looking away from the other, the full weight of the armored Turian falling on the smaller Quarian.

"You gotta get out of here", Ameenah cracked, her voice strained, throat knotted with tears she dare not allow surface.

Garrus' brow plates furrowed even deeper, gaze growing even more intense. The emotions rocketing between the two of them was thick. Pain, refusal, love, defeat.

"And you've gotta be kidding me", Garrus retorted back, pain taking a backseat to indignation.

He would not leave her to face this alone. This was the final push and she needed him, dammit. He was not going to leave her six unwatched. He was not going to allow her to succumb to any kind of danger if he, himself, was not there. Her eyes implored for his acceptance, refusing to give any ground for him to come but praying he could understand her reasoning.

"Don't argue Garrus", she replied; voice rough, body shifting ever so slightly towards him. Her gaze intensified. She was shutting down any other option than following her orders, trying to pull her Commander mask back into place. He could see through it though, the orders, the lack of callousness, she couldn't shut him out. Not now.

"We're in this till the end", Garrus stated, his resolve weakening. The anger was beginning to weaken, dozens upon dozens of words and feelings being exchanged between their locked eyes

Shepard could feel the tell-tale pinpricks of tears trying to escape, eyes glazing in unshed tears. She began to close the space between the two of them.

"No matter what happens here", she uttered, closing the gap between the both of them. She stops a step away from taking him in her arms, not wanting to completely lose it. "You know I love you. I always will."

Her hand came up and rested lightly upon Garrus' right mandible, fingertips gently running over the healed scars upon his face. Her thumb gently ran underneath his eye, her body lingering as the dual tone of his voice rushed through her.

"Shepard", Garrus breathed out softly, knowing that this was not a battle he was going to win. "I…"

A pre-emptive heart break filled his chest, choking his voice, turning into her gentle touch, swallowing a keen of anguish that threatened to erupt from his throat. His hand rose and gently wrapped around her wrist, stealing a few more seconds for himself. Memorizing every inch of her face, the touch of her hand, the look in her eyes. Her round, almost childlike face was covered in dirt and blood; her normally tan-bronze skin stained shades of black and gray and crimson. Her plump bottom lip was pulled into her mouth, between her teeth, taking relentless abuse as she savored what felt like the last moments. Her large, cat-like eyes were shimmering, he could see the unshed tears just waiting. He memorized each and every detail, committing it, swearing that if she didn't return the same way she left, that he would hold himself accountable. That he would completely blame himself for anything that befell her. Her heart ached and she couldn't help but concede, knowing this was the only way he wouldn't charge after her. Agree to these terms; let him have some upper hand in this. She agreed silently, a tear escaping and falling down her soot covered, bronze cheek.

"Love you too", he completed, his three fingers tightening slightly around her wrist as he watched her begin to withdraw. His hand reached for her as she was suddenly out of his grasp, their eyes still locked upon one another. His told her to come back, hers promised that she would try her damnedest. For they both knew, there was no Shepard without Vakarian.

The sounds of an approaching Reaper finally tore Ameenah's eyes away from Garrus'. Too much time, she had wasted too much time. She couldn't wait any longer; if she didn't send them away she risked the lives of the whole Normandy crew. Backing down the ramp, she quickly turned and looked over her shoulder, quickly pointing up the ramp.

"Go", she screamed, quickly from Garrus and to Tali, the Quarian who had grown into her sister. Silently she told her that she demanded that they both make it out of this war alive. Tali nodded quickly as Garrus' arm dropped, Shepard turning her back on them and taking back off towards the beam that would take her to the Citadel.

Tali and Garrus watched her double time through enemy fire, the ramp slowly beginning to rise, as fellow soldiers on board returned fire on the approaching husks. Garrus watched in a dazed stupor as the love of his life ran towards the only thing that could save the galaxy. He knew what she was thinking. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, that this was needed if any of them could even think of having a future. She was more than able-bodied. She was an N7 soldier, a Spectre, elite of elites among all soldiers. Still Ameenah wasn't just a soldier, wasn't just the future savior of the universe. To him, she was the woman, the beautiful woman that he would one day make his mate, the one who made every fucked up thing is this universe make sense, the one who he could find home in no matter what. And he had let her go. What kind of Turian was he?

A low groan snapped him out of his stupor, his head slowly turning to look down at the smaller Quarian who was supporting his weight while looking like she was going to collapse under her own. His eyes swept over her, seeing cuts and gashes covering her body, obvious breaches in her suit. Garrus' brow plates rose in surprise, finding himself on the slowest elevator ride up to the second deck. He pushed his body off of hers, leaning back into the corner of the elevator and looking his fellow dextro-based friend over. Without holding him up, her body slumped slightly into itself, trying to keep upright.

'Dammit', Garrus cursed, a sudden influx of pain surging through his body.

"Tali", Garrus murmured, voice coming out strained, Tali turning her head weakly to look at him. Garrus' hand came up, lightly hitting the side of his visor. Although it had been showing run errors, pressing a few buttons weakly, Tali's vitals flashing for a few moments before disappearing. Fever, several infections gaining strength, her suit trying to re-seal itself. Honestly, the only thing that was keeping her upright was the fact that every few seconds or so, medi-gel would rush over her body trying to quell the fever and infection. "Can't this thing move any faster?"

As if hearing his demand, the elevator stopped on the second floor and opened to pure chaos. The men and women who were not on the ground or making sure the ship stayed in the air were currently assisting their fellow soldiers. Non-life threatening injuries were being treated with medi-gel in the dining hall; quick stitches, head wounds, lacerations that pulled people out of the field but were not going to kill them. Those facing the worst of the worst were in the medbay with Chakwas and Glyph. Glyph flitted about the room, stabilizing vitals by manipulating the automated medical tables while Chakwas tended to patients personally.

"In the elevator", a non-essential engineer called, pointing two of his fellow 'medical' staff to the two aliens that were losing consciousness. The three men ran to the elevator, one coming in and quickly scooping Tali into his arms before making room for the other two men to grab the collapsing Turian. Garrus felt two sets of hands grab him on either side, two arms wrapping around his waist, leading him towards the medbay. Garrus' eyes closed, consciousness slipping from him momentarily.

"-lyph set up the sterilization!"

Chakwas' voice filtered through Garrus' haze, his head tilting to the side and staring at the projected screen that covered his body. He could feel the copious amounts of medigel currently running through his system, his mind sluggish from the quantity. He tried to follow the hologram listing off his injuries, only catching glimpses of a few, mind too numbed to keep up with the constant scroll. Cracked carapace, cracked right spur, several fractured ribs. Garrus' eyes slipped closed again, a soft growl forming in his subvocals. How could he be so weak? He left her, he left her to do this alone.

She had Anderson, and while he respected him, he didn't know how she moved on the battlefield. Someone else wouldn't know that she became impulsive. To someone who hadn't watched her dance methodically across the battlefield, her moves would come off as erratic and unable to follow. He knew that pattern, her dance steps, the only time she let that rhythm show. He knew when he needed to shoot, when he needed to pause and when he needed to tell her to get her ass down. Anderson may have seen her battle style three years ago, before she had lost her life, before she had found new powers for her to exploit as a Vanguard. Before she could zip across the field in a blaze of blue biotics and practically take down a krogan. Before she became eerily proficient in both a sniper rifle and a assault rifle, switching between long-range and short in mere moments. That was his job to know, his responsibility. That was his mate...well was going to be when he finally got the nerve. That wasn't important though, that was his obligation to her, his promise to her. A soft keen unconsciously left him, anesthetic and medi-gel finally pulling him all the way under.

* * *

"You falling asleep on me Vakarian?"

Shepard's voice was warm against his soft, leathery skin, sending shivers spiraling through him. Garrus' eyes quickly fluttered open, light flooding the dark and making spots swim in his vision before they focused. Shepard was snug against his chest, arms wrapped loosely around his neck, her face pressed into the side of his neck and cowl. He could feel her hips pressed flush into his, her thighs over his hip bones, her ass pressing into his plates. Any other time and this position would have been a sure way to loosen his plates, but shock was sobering.

Garrus' eyes quickly swept over the room, not moving for fear of breaking the illusion. They were back in her cabin on the Normandy. Her under suits and paperwork, notes and weapons mods were scattered about in her organized chaos. His items were tucked politely to one corner of her room, as he always left them. She teased that it's because he was going to try and leave at a moments notice, but he always reassured her that she was 'so fortunately' stuck with his grand presence. How long had he been here? This could have any number of times in the last few weeks, an end to their night.

Ameenah hummed softly against his throat, nuzzling softly and planting a gentle kiss where she just spoke. Affectionate, warm, possibly erotic but for now she was simply basking in his glow. Her hair was completely out, freshly washed, the normally tight curls of what she called an 'afro' were loose, waves and curls of umber and light brown hanging to the middle of her back. This was the time that she'd normally run her fingers through it to completely 'detangle' it then French braid it. At times she'd let him do it when he was in the mood for grooming her. His hand slowly rose from the small of her back and slowly ran through her hair. He could feel the dampness lightly wet his fingers, the hair pull straight then spring back in a nest full of curls. Her clean scent intensified, the smell of that standard issue shampoo and a perfume, jasmine and vanilla he had been told. Spirits, this was real. Was he hallucinating? Was that run to the beam just a dream? Had he been in a coma and woke up with her back? No, that last one wouldn't make any sense. Shaking his head slowly, he tilted his head a little more down, mandible slacking slightly before he found his voice.

"M-Meena", Garrus choked out, his voice squeaking and coming out as a slight squawk.

"Hm", Ameenah hummed softly, tilting her head up and staring into his eyes.

He looked at her completely dumbfounded, hazel eyes blinking lazily, slowly, a smile spreading across her full lips. Her eyebrow slowly began to furrow, staring up at his troubled expression, hand reaching out to gently touch his left, scarred mandible.

"Garrus", Ameenah questioned, hand gently running over his mandible. "What's wrong? Nightmares?"

Garrus shook his head numbly, her touch send tendrils of warmth completely through him, his hand slowly raising to cover hers. It enveloped hers, a soft keen breaking rising in his subvocals, Garrus turning his head slowly and pressing his lip plates against her hand. Concern filled her eyes but she knew he needed this, her hand slowly rising and stroking the back of his neck. A soft purr of contentment left his throat, doubt quieting the enjoyment and fear swallowing the comfort it should have been bringing.

"Garrus…"

Ameenah's voice trailed as she watched Garrus' head raise, staring her in the eyes again, his hand still holding to hers tight.

"You know I love you, right?" she asked softly, her cheeks flushing slightly.

"I-I love you too Ame", Garrus choked out, dipping his head and pressing his forehead against hers desperately. He nuzzled against her, soft, quiet keens praying that this was real.

"It's going to be alright", Ameenah murmured softly, nuzzling against him gently before stilling. "That's why you're going to have to get better, okay?"

Garrus pulled up, staring at her, bewilderment slowly rising into his eyes.

"What do y-"

Shepard quickly cut him off, shaking her head, tears brimming in her eyes.

"You need to get better okay", she asked, locking eyes with him, tears escaping. "I need you to be there when I get back, alright? Remember, no Shepard without Vakarian."

"Shep no-"

* * *

Garrus was suddenly thrown from the oasis of the dream and back to the med-bay. Slowly sitting up, Garrus groaned softly, the fractured rib a bruise now, the heavy bone weave and medi-gel doing their job. Resting on his forearms, Garrus looked around the med-bay to see Chakwas running from patient to patient, making sure their systems were still up and running.

Chakwas pausing for a moment to look at her Turian patient, sympathy in her eyes, silent understanding transferring from one person to the other. The sterilization process for Tali's holo-gurny beeped, her fever on the verge of breaking, only the tougher infections remaining. Looking down at herself, Garrus could see that Chakwas hadn't tried to take his armor off. Garrus kicked his legs over the edge of the medical table. The dull thunk of metal armor on the metal floor echoed through the med-bay, Chakwas looking over and giving a nod of approval. She knew there was no way, short of severely sedating the Turian, that was going to keep him away from at least witnessing what was happening in battle.

Garrus moved in auto-pilot, navigating between the men and women whose wounds were being patched and healed and those who needed time to recuperate before they could resume their stations. Nodding briefly at several of them, Garrus couldn't really focus on any of the faces. His mind was on Shepard. Had she and Anderson made it to Citadel controls yet? How much resistance had they faced when they arrived on the Citadel? Was she hurt? Garrus' head snapped up as the doors of the elevator opened onto the second floor. Pure chaos awaited him, men and women rushing around consoles, sending coordinates of attack, and firing attacks themselves. Garrus rushed through the War Room to CIC, stopping in front of the Galaxy Map as an announcement rang through the entirety of the ship.

"All fleets, the Crucible has been armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."

Garrus took a few more steps before stopping in front of the door for the decon room, watching as Traynor and Liara tried to get through to Joker. Jokers hands continued to fly over the keyboard, EDI's hands and his in synch.

"I repeat, disengage and get the hell out of here."

Liara approached again and laid her hand lightly on Joker's shoulders, head drooping slightly, sorrow filling her voice.

"Joker...we've got to go."

Joker stared at the screen, no contact from Shepard through the coms, the computer constantly reading errors as it tried to connect to their commander.

"Dammit…"

Joker's hands moved from the screen, not quite dropping into his lap, head looking down into his lap, sparing a glance over at EDI. Her lips were drawn into a thin line, a range of emotions playing over her face. Turning back to the screen, Joker lightly typed against the holo interface and swept it aside, turning the ship around and setting course for the rendezvous point.

"No…"

Garrus' voice came out weakly, staring through the window of the ship and watching them pull away from the Crucible.

"We can't just leave Shepard there", Garrus murmured, finding himself to speak an louder. "Joker, this isn't the time for your dramatics. Turn around and go get her."

There was a strong ferocity in his tone, voice never growing in volume as he suddenly found the strength to walk forward. Samantha placed a hand on his shoulder yet lightly pressed by the comm specialist. She wasn't his target. Liara stepped directly in front of Garrus, their close rapport easily revealing what his actions were going to be.

"Garrus I'm sorry", Liara began, lightly placing her hand against his armored chest. "But we need to go."

Joker continued to navigate the ship, slowly, his body looking as if it had wilted, pain visible in his every movement.

"Sorry", a bitter shadow of a chuckle slipped from his mouth. "Sorry is not going to cut it. She just saved all our asses and we fucking owe it to her to save hers! She died when she went back to save you, I'll be damned if we don't do the same fucking thing!"

"Garrus stop", Liara yelled, her face twisted into pain, tears running down her face. Silence slowly enveloped them, painful breathing and subvocals of pain echoing through the cockpit. The emotions in the room were palatable yet all similar. Absolute misery over the fact that they were leaving a comrade, a friend behind. Guilt at the fact they they felt like there was nothing they could do, that there were turning tail on her. Anger at the fact that this was hopeless, absolutely hopeless. And yet, there was a small bit of hope lingering in the very back of their minds. Hope that she was alive, a fool's paradise, but still something they couldn't let go of.

Joker's hands began to fly across the screen, watching as the Normandy sped through the field of the relay. Red light began to slowly grow in brightness as the beam from the Crucible grew closer to them, licking hungrily at their tails as they tried to outrun the light. Suddenly the light was upon them as the relay put them at the rendezvous point, the Normandy coming out but not slowing upon arrival.

"Shit", Joker cursed softly, his body stiffening as a message popped up on the screen.

'Artificial Intelligence automated piloting is down.'

The words flashed repeatedly, Joker's head snapping over to look at the passenger's seat next to him, EDI's platform frozen, hands still held up, still in mid-action. Joker's eyes widened, another curse of 'shit' leaving his lips as he quickly turned his head back to the holo-screen and navigated the Normandy through the numerous ships that had arrived at the rendezvous point. Joker's hands flew, overriding EDI's primary initiative of controlling the ship being down causing systems that she ran exclusively to suddenly be unmanned. Taking control ticked away at precious time, watching as they sped closer and closer to Terra Nova.

"Brace for impact", Joker yelled through the comm's on the ship, voice strained as the ship gradually began to lose speed as it entered the environment.

They were north, far north, a planet of green and blue beginning to turn into more detailed images of water and plants, Joker's hands moving faster and faster as the Normandy approached the earth. The ship crashed into the ground, bouncing and skidding on wooded terrain before sliding to a halt. Liara slowly released Joker's chair, her death grip having been the only thing to keep her standing. Samantha had crashed into Garrus, the two having been pushed back against one of the consoles right outside the cockpit. Joker's seat had absorbed most of the shock of the crash, his hands slowing before completely dropping from his console. Looking over at EDI, a pained expression crossed his face before he pushed away from the console and as quickly as he could stood. Walking past a stunned Liara and Traynor, he headed toward the exit, his hand ghosting over the console. The hiss of the airlock releasing, stairs dropping brought Garrus out of his stupor. His mandible clamped tightly shut against his face, chagrin over his actions suddenly hitting him like a ton of rocks. Garrus watched as Joker gently climbed down the steps of the Normandy, hand rising to black the sun from his eyes. Carefully, Garrus followed after him, looking out over the environment that greeted them both. They had landed in the middle of the forest, giving them a perfect view of the entire area. More trees made of vines and leaves and water and foliage and mountains. Stopping next to Joker, the two exchanged a look, an apology, a mutual pain at what had be said, what had happened. Turning again, Garrus and Joker stared ahead, accepting the fact that they had no idea what was going to happen next.


	2. Don't Wake Me Up

Don't Wake Me Up

Don't wake me up

I am

Trying to find you

Oh, as I walk through

You're hiding in my corners of my mind

Never fear, I'll be close behind

My only love, I'll follow behind you

Won't go without you

I know your love weighs

Heavy on my heart

But you are my only counterpart

Will, I know

Why I lost control

Of my heart and soul

Because I know you

I can reach through

I made mistakes

But they're safely behind me

Now I can run free

The only true love I have ever known

Into yours, my life has been thrown

Still, I only think so

It's just the beginning

Sing when you're willing

They say some things

Are better left unsaid

But I'd take my life

To stay in your bed

Will, I know why I lost control

Of my heart and soul

Because I know you

I can reach through

Don't wake me up

Trying to find you

Oh, as I walk through

Will I know

Why I lost control

Of my heart and soul

Because I know you

I can reach through

Don't wake me up

Trying to find you

Don't Wake Me Up-Lianna La Havas

* * *

"Nnnn…"

A persistent beeping rang in Shepard's ear, her body curling up into a tight ball and away from the noise. The noise persisted however, another soft groan tumbling from Ameenah's lips.

"Shepard I swear if you don't shut that thing off…"

Garrus' sleepy dual-toned voice vibrated warmly against her ear, a slow smile growing on Ameenah's lips as the sound of the beeping quieted as her hand ghosted over the alarm next to her bed.

"Or what Vakarian", Ameenah teased, slowly turning over in his arms, eyes opening and staring at her lover's still closed eyes.

This was a face she had spent time memorizing; each scar, each angle, each and every detailed line of colonial markings. Over the last year or so, the silvery-pink had healed into a lighter gray on his skin, although the differences weren't as obvious. The tightness in his mandibles had loosened ever so slightly, the stresses of war over but the echoes from it still rolling around inside him. If possible the crystal blue of his eyes seemed clearer, happier. If she was an artist, she was sure she could make an exact replication of his face on paper. A shiver rushed through her core as his eyes opening, sleepiness still lingering as they connected with hers. Her smile grew even more, eyebrow quirking up slightly in challenge of her bondmate-to-be. Garrus' mandible flared slightly, a tell-tale smirk rising to his features.

"Then I'll just have to teach you a lesson", Garrus rumbled, his smirk growing as his arms tightened around Ameenah. He quickly rolled her below him, hands quickly trailing up and capturing Shepard's wrists between one hand. Dipping his head down he brought her earlobe between his mouth plates, gently nibbling, earning a small squeal from the woman below him. He gently nipped along her jaw bone, leaving small red marks that would disappear in mere minutes yet sent fire spiralling through her. Just as Garrus reached her neck, his omni-tool started to beep. A small pout began to form on her lips, a question of if he was going to ignore it or not, although she knew he couldn't. Messages that activated the ring tone were of the utmost importance, demanding his attention.

"Duty calls", Garrus sighed, rolling off of the pouting, smaller woman. He walked into the next room, Ameenah pushing herself up and grunted softly in annoyance.

Turning her head, she stared out the window of their apartment, a temporary home until Anderson's could be fixed. It was simple; one bedroom with all the basic amenities:full sized kitchen with things to cook levo and dextro meals, electricity, running water, and even a holo-lock that Garrus had encrypted to the tee. Their apartment sat in the dead center of London, the constant sounds of construction playing as background noise in their lives. The smell of fire and dead husks and Reapers assaulted them on the daily but honestly, it was something that they had to live with. Stretching, Shepard lazily pushed her legs over the edge of their bed, letting out a soft groan of pain as she cracked a few bones in her back. Shepard's slowly pushed herself off of the bed, pulling down the black Turian tunic that Garrus had so graciously given her. It fell to her mid-thigh, his teasing of how short she was only comforted by the fact that he loved seeing her in his things. Leaning lightly against the wall, she stared down at the ground, the muffled sounds of those cleaning up barely reaching her. It was especially cloudy today, a darkness hanging over all of them, the small amounts of light that were peeking through turning the whole city a very deep shade of gray. Sighing softly, Shepard cursed the fact that she couldn't be down there helping. Hackett had been extremely serious when he had told her that she needed to take time off. The Normandy was currently in repair and the rest of her crew were on leave. The most they were allowed to do is volunteer and that was even limited. 'They had done the galaxy enough for now.' Or at least that was how Hackett had put it. Still, every day Garrus and her would visit the local refugee camps that they had up. The boosted morale that came from seeing the 'Great Commander Shepard, savior of the universe' was potent, although, Shepard really shied from the hero worship. She merely wanted to make sure that people were doing well and if there was anything that she could help with, even on her short leash, she would. Garrus had found out the greatest news ever, his family was planetside. They had been taken to Huerta after they had made it off of Palaven, making it to Earth in the waves of refugees that escaped to Earth. Although Solana was injured and healing, they were here and they were safe and that was a huge burden off of the Turian's shoulders. Although, truth be told, Shepard thought things would begin to stack up again. With so many refugees, food cuts would have to come soon to prevent food shortages. Distribution would have to be carefully thought of, everything would have to be thought about to keep this delicate balance in place. Honestly, however, she wasn't sure how long it was going to last...

"Something on your mind?"

Ameenah jumped slightly at Garrus' sudden presence, quickly melting into his warm touch, leaning back into his bare chest. She sighed as she was enveloped by warmth, grinning as her personal body heater/boyfriend put his head gently atop hers.

"Mmm", she hummed softly, somehow trying to nuzzle closer. "Just about what we're going to do today."

"Well", Garrus rumbled, his subvocals vibrating against her back and drawing a smile from her. "How about we get breakfast first then start down our to-do list?"

"Help me take down my hair first",she asked softly, grinning at the soft rumble of a chuckled against the back of her head.

"Sure."

Garrus led her to the bed, placing her down and walking into their bathroom. This had become a small habit between them, from back on the Normandy. Although one might question the braiding abilities of a turian since they themselves did not have hair, Garrus' fingers were something sculpted by the gods. He was always modifying his weapons, tweaking the systems both through calibrations and through physical maintenance so Ameenah did chastise herself for not thinking his fingers were very detail oriented. After showing him once , he had become a natural student and quickly picked up on various ways of braiding her long, thick hair so that they could sleep. It was something intimate, private that they shared that helped to ease them both down from tensions in the day. Garrus always loved to tangle his fingers in her head full of curls, the quiet conversations they'd share about what was stressing them or how today's mission went or even sometimes the future being lulled out by the little grooming routine.

Garrus returned with a spray bottle in hand, sliding onto the bed and chuckling against as Ameenah slid onto his lap and leaned back into him. She jumped as the warmness of the water caught her off guard, used to colder water normally. The warmth ran down the nape of her neck and into his shirt, down her back and stopped there uncomfortably. Re-adjusting herself on his lap, she let out a soft sigh as his fingers began at the very bottom of the braid, his talons lightly scratching against her mid back. She slowly began to slouch as his hands did their magic work, moving up, teasing her neck when she arrived then lightly rubbing her scalp as he got further and further up. As he reached the top, he began to run his fingers through his hair, detangling anything that had knotted while they were sleeping, lightly massaging her scalp and 'fluffing up' her hair as she called it. The scent of generic shampoo began to fill Ameenah's nostrils but Garrus always commented on how he loved the smell, how her own scent warped the pure soapy smell to something different for him. Soon the thick waves and curls of her loose afro were completely out and in full volume, shrinkage causing her hair to barely tease beyond the nape of her neck now.

"Thank you my love", Shepard purred softly, turning in his lap and giving his unscarred mandible a gentle peck. She didn't complain when his arms encircled her, his head dipping down and giving her a hard kiss on the lips. The awkwardness that had once been so pervasive in their relationship had completely died away and they had figured one another out. A soft sigh was building in Ameenah's throat, her hands pressed lightly against his chest before she pushed herself back and laughed breathily. Her cheeks had been stained red, lips a bit more swollen from the sudden rush of blood that had filled them. Dammit, she cursed that some of the more obvious reactions that she had weren't as obvious on him. He said she would learn them over time and oh how she planned to.

"If you want to get to the hospital on time then I think we better get ready Vakarian", Ameenah murmured, no conviction in her voice but knowing it needed to be said.

Groaning softly, Garrus dipped down and gently nuzzled her before conceding and releasing his grip on hers. Ameenah slid off of his lap and stretched, walking over to closet that the two of them shared. She pulled out one of the civilian outfits she had, her Alliance Blues having to be saved for official events only. Her outfits were typically jeans and a t-shirt of varying colors. Her jeans were donated and hemmed to the heavens because of how short she was, t-shirts hanging a bit too loosely on her frame too small frame. Shepard absolutely refused to take any new clothes, donating them to the camps and taking older, donated clothes. It didn't feel right to wear something fresh and new when a pregnant woman could barely find a jacket or other forms of clothing. Combat boots were something Ameenah had learned it would be best to wear when not in areas set aside for civilians, hell even in the areas with civilians. The cleanup while underway was not completely done and civilian footwear just wasn't cutting it in some of the places that she and Garrus ventured.

"If you don't hurry your food is going to get cold!"

Garrus' voice travelled into their room, Ameenah laughing softly as she walked into the connected kitchen and living room. Sitting down at the small table in their kitchen, Ameenah's eyes lit up at the food that Garrus had laid out for her. MREs were mainly what they're working with but Garrus had managed to work his magic on one of the meals. The apple-maple oatmeal had pieces of the brown sugar toaster pastry crumbled on top, bring more sweetness and texture to the food. That was something that he had watched her do on the Normandy and began to copy her whenever he left her to sleep in. Instant coffee granules had been heated up in lukewarm water, the only way Shepard would drink coffees. Hot coffee always burned her mouth and cold coffee caused brain freezes. The only way to drink them was warm, easy to chug and the quickest way to get energy. Smiling thankfully she sat at the small table in their kitchen, staring in mild interest at his meal this morning. It was something purple-gray in color, slimy in texture to her and his kava was piping hot. Shivering, her eyes fell back on her meal before feeling Garrus' arms circle around her, his head nuzzling into hers. During the war they had kept at arms length, maintained their professional nature. Their glances and banter in battle was how their love was shown. But in private, they were constantly touching. Contact was almost necessary; limbs entangled, full body contact, a simple entwinement of fingers. It helped to quell Ameenah's various anxieties and further quieted the destruction he had witnessed on Palaven.

"You remember that promise you made before running into the beam?"

Ameenah's eyebrow rose slightly, confusion rising to her features, her head nodding slowly. Her eyes darted over to the closed curtains of the window as the sound of construction suddenly grew louder. Not unusual...they were so close to so much destruction.

"Good", he purred softly against her scalp, his purring vibrating through her entire body. "I meant it you know? So, come back."

"Garrus?"

Ameenah's voice came out soft, quieted against the growing sounds of destruction within her own mind. Her eyes darted around as she suddenly felt the inability to move, her breath catching painfully in her throat. Her chest began to rise and fall erratically, air never completely reaching her lungs, eyes squeezing shut as Garrus' hand gently stroked her face.

"Shhh...just breathe."

Shepard took a deep shuddering breath and found herself violently thrown to black.

* * *

A small drone flashed red and orange, bobbing over a section of fallen concrete and rubble, insistently blinking and playing a ringing alert. The Keepers, as always, had been working nonstop in the areas of the Citadel with the most damage to them. The focus of the Keepers at the moment were completely upon rebuilding and removal of anything that couldn't be reused. It was just like the last time the Citadel had come under fire, when Saren attacked, Keepers were purely construction and clean up. Body retrieval fell completely on the shoulders of those who had remained on the Citadel or the very small amount of people with functioning ships who ran between Earth and the former center of the galactic life. This area had been assigned to a group of C-Sec officers for their shift, told to find any survivors and bag and tag any deceased.

"I think the drone found another body", a burly human grunted, the effects of this day taking its toll on him. So many dead. The Reapers didn't discriminate. Child, elderly, Krogan, Asari, Human, dignitary, dancer. Death was the great equalizer and they had been staring it dead in the face for the last three days. It was sobering to say the least, faces frozen in their last moments stuck in his head.

A Turian squad mate sighed, the white markings on her black plates looking a bit worn. Death was nothing new but this was horrific, it was seeping under her plates and making it harder and harder to sleep. Especially with each child they found. They, at the very least, were the innocents. Those who had yet to do anything wrong yet had been captured in the merciless jaws of war. It wasn't right, nor was it fair but reality had shoved it down their throat.

The two moved closer in relative silence, moves synchronized, walking closer to the bouncing drone. Concrete slabs were stacked practically on top of one another, one barely propping the other up, shielding whatever the drone was trying to show them with shadow. As soon as the duo approached the drone rushed back, pinging the general status of the body it had found.

"Human female", it answered shortly. "Alive."

The two locked eyes with one another, a prayer quickly leaving their mouth. The man sent the drone into the hole, flooding it with its bright light.

"Stay calm ma'am", the Turian officer shouted down. "We're going to get you out."

The two worked in tandem, carefully pushing and cutting the concrete away from their victim. As soon as she was cut out they watched as her chest rose, the inhale sounding wet and painful. Her blue armor was burned and melted in some locations, other pieces completely gone leaving nothing but black under suit. Her hair was matted to her head by blood, obvious burns covering her face and neck. The concrete had fallen on her legs, slabs of metal on and practically through her arms. She was in positively rough shape but compared to the others found in similar locations, she had fared much better.

"We need a medic to this location", the man shouted into his omni-tool, their location transferring outward to any near by medical team. He dropped on his knees next to the woman, a quiet apology falling from his lips as he pressed his fingers against her neck feeling for a pulse. There was one and it was faint and if the ragged groans of pain were any indicator, she was still responding to outside stimulus. If anything that was a good sign, as was the unscathed appearance of her dog tags. Gingerly picking them up, as not to cause further pain, his eyebrows furrowed at the N7 insignia on the back. All of the Alliance military members had been pulled back for what they were calling the final assault on Earth. There shouldn't be any on the Citadel; only planetside or on Earth. Slowly turning the material over between his fingers, he felt as if he had been punched in the gut, air rushing from his lungs. His eyes kept reading over the barely there letters, fingers shaking as they ghosted over the lettering.

'Shepard. A M. Alliance Navy. Spectre. O+.'

His eyes ran over those lines what felt like countless times until his partner tapped him on the shoulder lightly, alerting him to the presence of the medic team. He snapped up and stared at his partner until leaning into him.

"It's her", he barely breathed out, voice light, eyes still glued to Shepard's body.

"Her", the Turian asked, eyebrow raising slightly. "Her who?"

"Shepard."

As soon as the name fell from his lips, the Turian's eyes widened before she began shouting for the medical team to hurry up.

"It's her", the Turian screamed, pulling one of the medical personnel closer. "It's Commander Shepard!"

A flurry of voices rose in the eerie quiet of the catastrophe, actions growing quicker, calls back to the Shalta Ward to prepare for a VIP. Their patient continued to groan, unintelligible words leaving her burnt lips, at times her lips just moving with no sound. Her lips continued to move in the same pattern, stopping only as the hiss of a medicine injection gun sounded. The word sedative broke through Shepard's haze, a gravely whimper rising from her throat. She could feel the searing pains in her body begin to give way, her breaths becoming deeper and longer. The voices of medical personnel around her began to meld into one, lulling Shepard completely under again.

* * *

The R&D center was in a state of controlled chaos. Before the Citadel had been shutdown and the Crucible fired, the expansive building had been the headquarters of medical research on the Citadel. Species from all over the galaxy gathered here to improve upon current medications, create new remedies for old issues and brings about change for the better in society. However, this was the largest medical facility still standing. There were smaller clinics all throughout the Citadel but this was the only one that could take on patients with severe injuries and with the supplies to take care of them. The Presidium had been hit by backlash from the beam, damaged horribly but not completely destroyed. There were people everywhere and the blending of emotions and sounds created an environment thick with pressure. Patients were kept in a room that had a lock that separated the severely injured and those in need of lesser care. Behind that closed door doctors of various races tended to patients of various races, calls for medications being heeded by drones. Shepard had been brought to the farthest corner of the room, a partition put up as several doctors worked on treating her. Blackened blue armor laid to the side, cut into pieces because of the melted releases. Her undersuit had quickly been cut away and discarded, her head doctor starting a diagnostic program to identify all her injuries. He was an average looking Salarian, his skin a trichromatic shades of deep orange, the darkest colors being the outermost spots. His name tag simply read 'Dr. Kaaven'.

"Face and body covered in first and second degree burns", his quick words spoke, continuing to stare at the program as it ran. "Dislocated left shoulder, compound fracture of left forearm, several fractured ribs, femoral head fracture, torn medial collateral ligament of the right leg, crushed left ankle. Bruising covering back, buttocks and back of calves. Sedated, need to keep under."

He made a small sniff, his brow furrowing slightly as more diagnostics popped up. Cybernetics were present in her system although they were sluggish. Her skin was manipulating most of the processes, the largest organ demanding the most attention. The doctors had been carefully sloughing the dead skin from her body, nurses following up with gentle pats of cloths filled with antibiotics. The worst burns were on her face, neck, stomach and leg; parts where there was no armor or her armor had come apart. Medi-gel had done its part, preventing infection and closing off the largest lacerations, however reserves had run out before they could even begin the extensive job of healing burns and broken bones. That would be their undertaking.

Opening his omni-tool, Naveen began to type a message to the remaining Alliance Command on Earth. The recovery of Commander Shepard's body had been put as a high priority, even with the current condition of Earth. Hackett wouldn't allow the woman to simply rot underneath the rubble in the Citadel, she would be given the kind of ceremony deserving of someone who had done so much. However, they had been small clauses if she was going to be found alive, although they had deemed it extremely unlikely. Whomever found her was to report it and send it as a high priority message through Citadel Security. Regardless of state, they wanted her returned to Earth to be cared for by Alliance Command. While she had become a symbol to the rest of the galaxy; the first human Spectre, the unifier of the Krogan and Turians, healer of the genophage, hope to the downfallen. But to them, she was still a marine through and through, a human who would get the proper burial that she hadn't gotten two years ago. A small smile touched the Salarian's lips, nodding slightly in determination. Yes, this was good news. Death of the great Commander would have been sad, a dark light after all the galaxy had been through. They'd lose their icon, possibly drift apart once again and get caught in petty turmoils. No, her being alive is a great thing. Closing his omni-tool he nodded again and moved back towards the gurney that held Shepard and once again took full charge on his patient.


	3. All Around Me

**All Around Me**

My hands are searching for you

My arms are outstretched towards you

I feel you on my fingertips

My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being

Burning, I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive

I'm alive

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding on to what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me

And you whisper you love me

And I begin to fade

Into our secret place

The music makes me sway

The angels singing say we are alone with you

I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive

I'm alive

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding on to what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry

The light is white

And I see you

I'm alive

I'm alive

I'm alive

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding on to what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand, I give it to you

Now you own me, all I am

You said you would never leave me

I believe you, I believe

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding on to what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healed

All Around Me- Flyleaf

Swimming. Her body was swimming in darkness, aches reverberating throughout her entire being, reaching a crescendo of pain before dying out into a dull throbbing. Her body felt light as a feather yet heavy as stone, limbs pinned to her sides and unable to move. Light slowly began to pierce the thick shroud of twilight, thin slivers of white spreading blindingly throughout. Ameenah's eyelids fluttered erratically before finally opening. They shut tight again a moment after that, a rasping groan rising from her parted lips. Dry. Her throat, her mouths, her lips; they all felt so dry, feeling like they had been deprived of water all their life. Her tongue gently prodded at her lips but no moisture came, still dry. A low hum of discontent reverberated through her entire body, finishing at her lips with another quiet moan. She opened her eyes again and tried to survey her surroundings, instead seeing nothing but fuzzy white light with a few imperfections here and there. It took several more tries of squeezing her eyes tight to bring about a few tears before she finally could see.

Plain white walls and the strong smell of antiseptic and medi-gel. Hospital. Her mind was racing, eyes soaking in the rest of the room and groaning softly as her head turned to the side. The electronic door had been shut, the red light glaring at her from across the room. Her neck made it's distaste at being moved known, a muscle spasm causing her breath to catch in her throat. She turned her neck back to the position it was once in, tilting her chin down and looking down at her body. Old school medical supplies monitored her, however they were doing their job nonetheless. A white pulse oximeter was attached to her left finger, part of her hand exposed while the rest was wrapped in white bandaging. IVs ran from her arm, out of her range of sight, probably providing her body with fluids and basic nutrition. Her omni-tool had been removed from her wrist, a white inpatient bracelet detailing all her information. Squinting slightly she read over her basic information. Her eyes grew ever so slight wider, the outside sounds of machines dying out as she stared at the hospital she was currently located at. 'WRNMMC'.Walter Reed National Medical Center, one of the oldest military hospitals in the United States. Her jaw slackened, before quickly shutting as she bit down on her bottom lip hard. She was on Earth, she had somehow made it back to Earth. Tears burned in the corner of her eyes, her heart beat steadily rising as a shuddering sob fell from her lips. She was alive. She was alive and she was on Earth and she hadn't broken her promise. Letting the full weight of her body press into the pillows and the thin cushion of her bed, tears of happiness and disbelief and exhaustion rolled down her cheeks till they found refuge on her neck and the pillow below. The tears that had eluded her before suddenly found themselves unable to stop, even as the door to her room opened. She had kept her promise. Spirits, Goddess, Arashu, she had actually made it. She hiccuped painfully, her throat convulsing slightly as it was still deprived of moisture and was protesting the abuse it was currently undertaking. It took Ameenah far longer than she would have liked to raise her hand, the limb moving as if it was pushing through molasses and feeling like her joints had rusted with misuse. Her fingers sloppily pushed away tears, her vision not completely clearing as she stared up at her doctor. She knew the image she was presenting must have been ridiculous. Commander Ameenah Shepard, youngest N7 in Alliance history, sole survivor on Akuze, saviour of not only the Citadel but the entire universe, sat in her bed sobbing like a child who had lost her mother. Her doctor was a lean, older White woman, her brown hair beginning to streak with gray. Thick, red rimmed glasses sat on the tip of her nose, a data pad held loosely against her chest by one arm. Her other was outstretched towards Shepard, gently laying itself over her hand and smiling a quiet smile. The other woman didn't say anything as Shepard's tears kept coming, not even as they started to slow and Ameenah's breath was lost in a fit of coughs. The doctor simply walked away before returning with a cup of ice.

Her bed was suddenly being repositioned so that she was sitting reclined rather than flat on her back. The doctor motioned to the cup of ice in her hand, placing it lightly against Ameenah's lip, an ice cube falling into her mouth. Ameenah sucked hungrily at the ice cube, her mouth and throat feeling sweet relief from the cold water. All too soon, the ice dissolved in her mouth, quickly being replaced by another from the doctor. This process of rehydrating her mouth and throat went on for several minutes before Ameenah felt that she could finally speak and breathe without feeling like her throat was full of sand.

"Thank you."

Ameenah's voice was still weak, her words soft, hushed, barely rising above the sounds of the monitors next to her. Using the back of her hand to awkwardly wipe away at the tears before dropping her hand lightly to her lap. The task of moving was no longer a Herculean feat, but she felt as if her strength was already depleted, her body trying to coax her back into rest. No, she didn't want rest for now. She just needed a few answers, just a few and she could feel alright. Her tongue darted out and licked her lips lightly before pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, her thinking habit coming out.

"My name is Doctor Amanda Farris", the woman answered simply, placing the cup on the stand at Ameenah's side. "I have been-"

"Are the Reapers dead", Ameenah questioned quickly, swallowing hard.

"The Reapers have fallen", Farris answered simply, a small smile creasing her lips. "It's been three weeks since then, and I've been in charge of your care since you were transported back to Earth."

"Transported to Earth", Ameenah mimed softly, brow furrowing as she looked at the other woman. "Where was I found? The Crucible blew up and I'm pretty damn sure that I blew up with it."

"Well I'm not sure about exact location but you were found amongst the rubble on the Citadel", she answered simply before setting the datapad down on the bedside table. Leaning forward, she began peering over Ameenah, making quick mental notes. Other than a slightly elevated pulse, for the moment she was fine.

"Wait if you found me", she murmured, more to herself than to Farris, her eyes locking with the woman's as she moved back. "Have you found Anderson? Is he alright?"

Farris' lips pulled tightly into a line, a look that had passed one too many doctor's faces in hospitals.

"I'm sorry", she started, straightening her back slightly. "We recovered Anderson's body last week."

Ameenah bit down hard on the inside of her bottom lip, emotional pain making itself physical as it surged through her chest. Swallowing hard, she shook her head slightly, refusing to cry yet again, releasing her lip from the vice grip of her teeth. Anderson had become a father figure to her over the years. Her father had been killed in action and David Anderson had been the consolation that both her mother and Ameenah needed. He had taken her under his wing; checking up on her in messages, taking her to combat simulators whenever they had shore leave together, teaching her the ins and outs of the Alliance and what they would expect of her. His loss would leave a painful hole in her chest but she wouldn't forget that she had passed, knowing that she had made him proud. She took another deep breath, closing her eyes for a beat before looking up at the doctor again.

"Is the Normandy alright?"

Her face had slipped into the Commander facade, the professional face mask slipping up to quell the storm that had begun to rise in her. Although just as easily as it had been slid on, there was a small chip forming as she watched Farris try and come up with an explanation. Ameenah studied her face, saw the other woman try pick and piece sentences together, getting rid of some words then picking others.

"Doctor, is the Normandy alright?"

Her voice came out as a breath, the air making the words light but ending with a sharpness. No, she didn't want coddling right now, she didn't want to be tip toed around. Not when it was about the fate of her ship and crew. She was her Commander and she'd be damned if anything would be held back on regarding the Normandy. Her eyes steeled as she stared at Farris, forcing the other woman to finally cough up the information.

"We don't know Commander", Dr. Farris answered, words quick, hands finding themselves behind her back.

That had not been the answer that she was expecting, a silent shock playing on her features, her jaw slackening slightly before it tightened up.

"What-what do you mean?"

Her question was shaky, confusion twisting her features. That had not been the answer she was expecting with the conflict she had watched Farris go through. Her eyes narrowed slightly at the other woman, a slight suspicion rising in her.

"The Normandy and most of the vessels went to the rendezvous point before the Crucible fired", she answered. "However, the Crucible knocked out the relays and with them most forms of long distance communications. Ships have been trickling in, however the Normandy hasn't been amongst them. It's been reported that they have faced some damage, however I'm not exactly aware of the extent. Several alliance vessels have been landing on the near by airfields but that is all I really know, Commander. Any information we receive is by trickle down.

A surge of warmth filled Ameenah, her fingers lightly squeezing then releasing the sheet that covered her body. They were alright, her ship had made it. Damage was something that they could take care of, something that she knew they would fix and then they would be home. She knew her crew, she trusted her crew, they wouldn't fail at the last stretch. Gulping, she forced down the images of the injured Tali and Garrus, their faces contorted with anguish. No, Chakwas was the best, their weaves had been in place and they would make it through this dammit. They would come back fine, they all might be a little worse for wear but they would be fine. He would come back to her, just as they had promised. A slow smile grew on her lips as she stared at Farris, exhaustion reminding her again that her body was not fully healed. She was already in the hospital, she could find out what was ailing her when she woke up. Her smile continued to grow wider as she looked at the doctor, warmth and thanks glowing from her gaze.

"Thank you doctor", she answered simply before feeling her eyes grow heavy. "Thank you so much…"

Ameenah gave into a sleepless dream, her mind quieted for once of all the stressors that normally harassed it.

* * *

"You ready Garrus?"

The message from the intercom barely registered with the Turian, his mind lost in the thoughts of what had happened over the past month. It had taken a full month to fully assess and fix all the damage that had come to the Normandy. The thrusters had been damaged, as well as damage to wiring and the Thanix cannon had almost been torn completely off. All able-bodied soldiers on the Normandy worked tirelessly to get things fixed; soldiers doing the heavy lifting, engineers fixing things and instructing those around them. Tali had spent an entire week and a half in the medbay before being deemed to be ready to help by Chakwas. She led the engineers in most of their repair work, pointing from the sidelines and at times going into the small crawl spaces when she could trust no one else to do it. Traynor assisted with fixing any issues that had been brought about to Normandy's computer systems, smoothing out any issues that had arisen from the loss of EDI. She worked tirelessly trying to reboot EDI's systems however whenever the program had begun to reboot, it simply crashed again. As good as she was, Traynor was beginning to lose hope in her own abilities, at least at the moment. EDI was her friend and she would never give up on her but for now...she was gone. Joker had taken her loss eerily well. He was still the wise cracking, smart ass he always was. Chakwas watched him closely, could see the haunted look in his eyes. But just as he had dealt with Shepard's first death, it was best not to push him. He may have been crass and he may know everything about most of the crew but he was not one to expose himself publicly. Sympathy was an insult to him. Garrus understood that. So many of them had seen the fires rip through the Crucible before they sped off to the relay. Saw the explosions that began before red had begun to overtake it. There was no doubt to so many that she was dead. Coming back from the dead once was nothing short of a miracle funded by billions of credits. But twice? As much as people would believe that she was some sort of god, Garrus knew that she still was a woman. Powerful, strong, but still human. She had her suit, and medi-gel and her weaves but that had been a full-frontal explosion. Garrus had been over the odds again and again but the chances of her actually surviving had been so thin. How could she have survived this, even if he had made her make that impossible promise?

Garrus' talons traced lightly over the letters engraved into the plaque, the metal cold under his warm fingertips, his visor glowing brightly against the muted metal. 'Commander Shepard'. It was almost laughable how even in death people dare not speak her first name. Except for him. Using her first name had always been a way to capture her attention; the first time he had said it she had blushed and every subsequent time it was a way to stop her in her tracks. She'd blush or shiver or just give that little smile that warmed Garrus to his core. She'd wrap her arms around him and place her face against his neck and they'd talk for hours. That was one thing he loved about her, one of the many. They could talk for days about everything in the galaxy; the future, differences between spacer and planetside life, their favorite foods, their pet peeves. A pained keen forced its way up from his throat, his subvocals thrumming with barely contained pain. At times he could swear that he still heard her voice at night, talking until her words turned into mumbles and then she'd fall asleep. Rolling the plaque within his hands, Garrus pushed up from the edge of Shepard's bed, weakly pulling his gloves back on. They would come to the memorial as they always had. Formalities would not have fit this kind of situation, Shepard would have scoffed at them wearing dress blues and formal attire to her funeral. No, she always wanted them to come as theywere, be comfortable;she had always accepted them for who they were and wouldn't want it any other way. That's why the Normandy had been a little slice of home for them, Shepard made it that way.

His steps towards the door faltered as his eyes fell over their room, still looking like she had just left the room. Shaking his head again, he cleared his throat as he glanced at the mirror, one last look before he joined the others. He looked tired, his mandibles pulled tight to his face, plates looking a little worse for wear. His colony markings needed to be touched up, but that hadn't been pertinent during the war. Shepard had traced them at nights and told him that whenever he decided to get everything touched up, she wanted to come with him. She was fascinated by so many of the things that humans had just ignored or became indifferent to. She loved to run her fingers over his fringe, tease his throat and cowl with gentle kisses. She knew that Turians weren't all metal, they were leathery, hard but pliable. That was their little secret, a secret that he shared with her, and she took advantage of whenever she pleased. Spirits, he couldn't stomach the thoughts running through his head, the vivid memories rising to the surface. Garrus tore his eyes away from the mirror and began to walk towards the elevator. His steps were heavy, listless, the sound of his armor echoing through the room only confirming what was going to happen was going to happen. He twisted the plaque in his hand, the small strip of metal feeling heavier than his Widow, the metal catching the light of his visor and glinting up at him with each turn. He knew that as soon as he stepped into the elevator he was in for a long ride. He had always wanted to re-calibrate it but could never find the free time. Spirits how he wished he had found the time. But that was something that they had always been running short on. Time. Garrus' eyes slipped close, the warmth of memories swirling around him.

'We're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off of the royalties from the vids'

He watched a smirk grow on her lips as she listened, arms crossing slowly over her chest. Spirits she was gorgeous when she did that. He knew that normally a full smile would have broken out on those lips of hers but this was the final push. And getting even a smirk out of her was beautiful.

'Maybe even find out what a Turian-human baby looks like.'

Her eyes widened slightly, her lips twitching into that giddy grin she'd try and hide. It was a small smile but the way her bottom lip trembled, oh that means he had hit a soft spot just right. He could feel happiness swell in his chest, an unspoken promise of the future saved for one another. Somehow with her, even when he was stammering over his words, he could find the right thing to say and that is something he was damned proud of.

'I'm game. Although I think adoption is a better idea. Biology may not cooperate'

She was leaning back on her foot and giving that cocky smirk. Oh, she knew that he had broken through that little barrier she had put up before the battle but she wouldn't let him have all the fun here. A blue blush burned slightly at the back of his neck at the response, a quiet chuckle dual-toned chuckle leaving his mouth plates. He swaggered forward, meeting her and closing the distance between them.

'Huh, I guess there will be a lot of little krogan around soon.'

His eyes were shining with mirth, trying to loosen her up. Oh, he fully understood the severity of the situation, but as he had told her within the confines of their room, he expected the worst while hoping for the best. He quickly watched the light dim from her eyes as she broke his gaze though, staring out the window and to the darkened, war-torn skies.

'We just have to beat the Reapers first...'

Her could feel the moment slip away, already lost, a frustrated growl vibrating in his chest yet not rising loud enough for her to hear. No, he wouldn't let her slip into this, not right now.

'James told me there's an old saying here on Earth. May you been in Heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you're dead. Not sure if Turian Heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and both of us end up there meet me at the bar. I'm buying.'

She stared up at him, a complex set of emotions rushing over her features before her brow furrowed, a small shake of her head denying what he had just said. A slight resilience had come back to her features, a simper replacing the serious look that had once been there.

'We're a team Garrus, there's no Shepard without Vakarian. So you had better learn to duck.'

The sudden ding of the opening door made his eyes snap open, shaking his head slightly and blinking a few times to dispel the images. Liara, Tali, Javik, Ashley, James, and Joker all stood there, faces somber, heads bowed. This was a small ceremony of those that were closest to the Commander, the formal ceremony for the rest of the crew would be held later. This was just as much for them as it was for her at this moment. Tears stained Liara's cheeks, a hand lightly pressed to her lips to quiet the cries that threatened to echo within the halls. Quiet, ragged sighs from Tali's filter let exposed that she was crying as well although she would deny it. No one would blame the girl for crying though, Shepard had always called her the little sister she always wanted. Ashley's face was pulled into a tight expression, her eyes shut as she tried to ignore the finality of the situation; James' hand laid lightly on her shoulder, an attempt at a consolation to the younger woman. As large as the man was, however, it seemed as if he was trying to shrink away from this, from yet another 's body almost bowed in upon itself, his arm holding to his other, looking down at the ground. His hat was pulled over his eyes, his body rocking from side to side. Garrus made the few steps between the group and stared at the memorial. His head drooped, staring down at the plaque again, his talons tracing the letters for what seemed like the millionth time. His eyes drifted up towards the memorial, his legs feeling as if his boots were filled with cement. Again, he stopped and stared intently at the plaque, his eyes slipping shut, listening to the movement in the background. A quiet sob from Liara, a broken breath from Tali. Ashley clearing her throat, and James loud steps moving closer. Joker stayed silent and Javik's armor clicked as he prepared for a proper salute. Garrus' eyes opened, his head slowly rising as he stared at the wall. No, this wasn't right. She had promised that there would be no Shepard without Vakarian. She had swore to him that she would come back safe. Would he suddenly believe her to be untrustworthy after all they had been through? No, he would dishonor her by doing this, he couldn't do this until the body was in front of him. If they never found one then dammit he would spend every day looking until he found her. His mandibles flared slightly as a soft chuckle fell from his lips. Shaking his head, he took a step backwards away from the memorial and broke the piece of metal in two. He could feel the shock as he stepped into his friends, shaking his head yet again. No, she wasn't dead, she had promised. He wouldn't believe her of distrust now, when she needed it the most.

Holding the two pieces tight within his talons, he nodded at his friends and their stunned expressions turning into smiles. Tali's moved forward, placing her hand on Garrus' shoulder and rewarding him with a watery, narrow eyes smile. James' heavy hand fell upon his back before he felt a quick, tight embrace from Liara. Ashley rewarded him with a nod of approval and a small smile, leaning lightly against the beam next to the elevator. No, they wouldn't let go of their Commander so easily, they just needed someone to breathe hope into that thought.

"Well", Garrus drawled quietly, his sub vocals rumbling with an ardent happiness. "I think it's time that we get back to Earth. You know Shepard doesn't like to be kept waiting."

* * *

Shepard's hands tugged lightly at the mess of curls on her head, tangled and singed, uneven. She had gained more strength over the past several days, but she still wasn't allowed to be unmonitored if she left her bed. Her legs were still weak, damaged muscle and bones, mended but not able to sustain activity for too long. The nurses had acknowledged her want for more freedom, however she was still placed under restrictions. She had not been too happy over the fact that she had to receive a sponge bath the first day she was conscious, simply for the fact that they didn't want her re-injuring her arm. Her bandages had been removed and now her skin apparently needed to 'breathe' as she had been told by several of her nurses. It would speed the already accelerated healing process. Shepard would spend hours staring at her skin and messing with her hair. She was dual-toned now, parts of her skin a fleshy pink-tan color. It was smoother than her skin had ever been, feeling almost like a child's skin. They told her that skin weaves would return her skin to what they once had been but for now, she was still healing. Her hand slowly reached up to her shoulder, slipping under the gree medical gown and touching the raised burn marks on her shoulders. Her armor releases had melted together, searing through her undersuit and into her skin. Her back had several similar marks, small but raised scar tissue littering her skin. The back of her hand grazed her hair, her fingers travelling back up and messing with the damaged hair. It was hard, brittle and straw like now, the sienna curls often breaking off into her hand if she pulled too hard. Several inches would have to be chopped off, but it would still hang right below her ear. Nibbling lightly on her lips she wondered how Garrus would take this, take much of her new appearance. Wincing slightly, Ameenah pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her thighs. She could feel her thighs slimming, but so was the rest of her body. Her hip bones were beginning to peek through her skin, not dramatic but noticeable. Her rounded hips still held a curve but the meat and muscle that had once made them voluptuous had slowly been skimmed off. She wasn't being starved, no, they fed her nutrient-dense MREs for breakfast every morning. That was the best they could manage; a meal that would supply all her daily nutrients while supplying enough calories for a regular person. However, her biotic metabolism would burn through the meal by half day and she wouldn't dare ask for another meal. No, she would be perfectly fine with that, even if it meant losing weight or being slightly hungry. Ameenah placed her head lightly against her knees, staring out the window at the spots of lights glowing in metropolitan city sat just outside of Washington DC, one of the greatest tourist attractions in the United North American States. Shepard had learned that at a time, DC had been the most powerful city in the world. However when the three formerly separate countries; Mexico, the United States and Canada, combined they moved the nation's capital to Vancouver. That was the powerhouse city; the center of human political, economical and military power. Although, simple population numbers alone made both Bethesda and DC major targets in the war. Ameenah could still see fires burning from the semi-demolished cities, huge funeral pyres making it glow even late into the night, dimming only before dawn. List after lists were made of the names of those lost, the ones with identification. Others had to be buried and burned without name; the risk of disease demanding the need to quick funerals.

Ameenah's arms wrapped around herself slowly, her skin pulling and bones protesting at the movement. She ignored the slight pain in her body and tilted her head back. Death was something that came hand-in-hand with combat, something that she was no stranger to. This kind of death ate at her though. civilians pulled into a war they had no option of being pulled into. Escape had never been realistic with the Reapers; refugees ran to one place that had yet to be hit only to find the Reapers hot on their tails. They had to either pick up and run again or accept the fact that they were going to die. Cities like this, they were filled with innocents who didn't even have a warning before being decimated. Just one morning they went about their business and suddenly they had death raining down upon them from the skies. Indiscriminately killing everything organic, for the sake of order. It wasn't right, nor was it fair but that was how the Reapers fought. They orphaned children or stole their young lives away from parents, killed entire bloodlines while injuring and maiming those left behind with wounds that far surpassed physical. People were desperate for stability, desperate to find friends and family or simply needing food, water and shelter. The hospital had become a shelter for the homeless, for the injured civilians and soldiers that were found and brought in every day and the epicenter of where food was locally. The Alliance had protocol for situations like this, set up camps to care for the injured that needed immediate care and transport those who could to the nearest medical facility. Rations for civilians would be provided to civilian and medical support and would be passed out in a organized manner; focus on children and pregnant women first, then trickle down from there. She was receiving special treatment, at least in her eyes. She was injured but it was no longer grave. She should be out there helping, at least within the hospital walls. She was no nurse but moral support and meal deliveries was something that was always needed, wasn't it? Still, her nurses told her no, to focus on her recovery, that she had helped more than enough. It was time for her to rest, to recuperate and let them take over. Her eyes travelled from the burning city and up towards the sky, stars shining boldly against the darkened skies. More and more ships were landing daily, arriving near major cities and military installations all over the world. With them they brought more hands to help rebuild and find those lost, more hope to citizens internationally who seemed lost. Even as happy as Ameenah was, hearing the sounds of happiness that came from the nurses stations, she still hadn't heard the name of the ship that could breathe hope into her.

"I miss you", she murmured to herself, a quiet ache growing in her belly. "I'm worried about you. About all of you. Where the hell are you?"

Shepard's entire body jumped, reaching for a sidearm that wasn't there and trying to call biotics that were not going to respond in this state. She had been so startled by a simple knock on the door, she had been ready to attack, her heart pounding in her chest. A small cry of pain left her mouth as the rush of adrenaline left her body in a rush, falling back against her bed yet again.

"Come in", she murmured hoarsely, rubbing weakly at her aching forearm.

Her door swished open, Dr. Farris nodding her head apologetically, assuming the young woman was probably sleeping. Ameenah didn't feel it was right to openly voice that she was having issues sleeping, Dr. Farris had other patients to care for now, she didn't feel it was right to take up more of her time than she already did. Her doctor turned in the doorway, words too muffled to be heard before she walked into the room and smiled warmly at Ameenah again.

"A very important guest has come to see you", Dr. Farris answered simply before motioning for the person to come inside.

Shepard's body jumped in surprise before her back went steel straight, snapping to attention and raising her hand in a crisp salute.

"Admiral Hackett"', Shepard snapped out, her words light, the air forced out of her chest.

"At ease Shepard", he stated warmly, moving further into the room, looking over at Farris meaningfully. "It's great to see you, Commander."


	4. Satellites

**AN:** Why hello there! I never really introduced myself but thank you to all those followers, favoriters and readers of my darling little fanfiction. My name is SweetKimchii and if you couldn't tell I'm a huge lover of the Mass Effect Series. I, like many others, needed an ending to the story to end all stories. To finish up what we didn't have. This is my whole take on it and I'm really glad that you all are taking your time to read it. Comment, questions and critiques are more than welcome in comments!

Also, this is where the story changes to an MA rating, so from here on out, it shall be rated Mature. If you would like to read the full MA scenes, I do have an Ao3 account under the same pen name and story name.

Thank you again!

* * *

**Satellites**

Satellites flashing by

It's a beautiful state we're in

But how can we love in isolation?

Think how happy we can be when we just try

When nothing like we seem

Passionate words are never spoken

You don't know how I bleed

When I leave your side

In your eyes, love's alive

You've come untied

'Cause we're flashing by

Like satellites, satellites

Take all the rules away

How can we live if we don't change?

We're always on display

Let's run and hide

In our eyes, love's alive

We've come untied

'Cause we're flashing by

Like satellites, satellites

If we don't communicate

We'll exist in our own space

We have all the love we need

While we're apart I cannot breathe

Satellites flashing by

Satellites

Satellites by Beyonce

* * *

The remnants of war were strewn throughout the Sol system; broken skeletons of ships, Reapers with nary any physical damage floating uselessly in space, debris left in the void of weightlessness. The stars were filled with destruction and death, fires continuing to burn on some planets, others looking as if they had been spared. Saturn rings still glowed as brightly as they ever had and Neptune and Uranus gave off the beautiful swirling glow they always had. Still, those planets were no where near as populated as some of the other planets in this system but nonetheless it was something that provided them with some pieces of hope. Others came in the form of smaller Alliance vessels heading towards colonies or space stations for assistance. The Citadel hung in the sky, a sad, decimated reminder of what it used to be. Two arms looked like they had been spared of the worst of damage; the lights were still on, activity looked sluggish but there was still activity. Sparks of life in place that would seem so dead; hope breathing fresh life into what appeared to once be so hopeless. Although, when their eyes landed upon Earth, reality hit them hard; cold and frigid as Noveria settling in their stomachs. Fires still glowed red and orange into space, some in small patches, others much larger revealing the tragedy that was inflicted upon the planet. The Normandy twitched and groaned as they passed through Earth's massive swirling collection of debris and former satellites. Smaller fighter vessels followed, the last of the troops dragging themselves back into Alliance space and to their temporary headquarters.

"Hey Williams?"

Joker's voice reverberated through the CIC, calling attention to all those on the main floor. Ashley's hand released the grip on the metal bar next to the Galaxy Map and walked towards Joker, standing just outside of the cockpit. The area seemed way larger than it had before, the empty seat appearing way larger than it actually was. It was the energy, an uneasy, sorrowful intensity that made the area practically unbearable. And this is where Joker choose to spend most of his time. Ashley's lips pursed slightly, looking over Joker with silent worry and analysis. She wasn't one to bite her tongue often but prior attempts at approaching Joker before had been met by the cold shoulder from the pilot. Years of dealing with people who constantly tried to pity him had made him completely used to shrugging off the concern from people that he didn't want. The only person he had talked to was Chakwas, his personal doctor somehow coaxing at least a bit from the pilot. The shutters were often closed in the Medbay when that was happening but it was a relief that at least something was working with the depressed man. Ashley had no doubt that Shepard would have been able to talk to Jeff; that woman had a magical way with words. This was a woman who had found a way to sway all the powers all over the galaxy, somehow convincing them to do what was right.

"Someone is trying to get a message through", Joker said simply, his eyes not leaving the holo-screen and window in front of him. "Looks urgent."

"Put it through", Ashley answered quickly, placing her hand on the back of his chair and straightening herself up. They had finally made it within range to send and receive signals between their ship and Earth. The relays had taken all long-range communication down, ships passing messages from one to the other once they were within range of each other. This was the only form of long range communication that they had at the moment, almost archaic compared to little over a month ago. Although, other than those currently in ships, there were very few people planet side that could get into actual contact with them.

"Lieutenant Commander Williams, Flight Lieutenant Moreau."

Admiral Hackett's voice came out slightly garbled, but it was still clear enough to draw Joker and Ashley into attention. Shock played on her face, Ashley thankful that there was no video comm currently up. Blinking a few times, she shook her head before answering.

"Admiral Hackett, sir", Ashley answered crisply, arms moving from behind her back to in front of her. "It's good to hear from you, Sir."

"Same Williams", he said warmly, his professionally joined by his fondness for the soldier. She had been a great asset to him when she worked at his side during the two years that Shepard had been 'gone' She was a hard working soldier, an intelligent woman and a great asset to the Alliance. He was absolutely proud to have had her in his tutelage. "I'm sending coordinates your way. Land here and prepare your people for inspection. We will talk more when you land, Lieutenant. Hackett out."

Joker scoffed as he closed the comm channel that was up and pulled the coordinates that Hackett had sent them up. Ashley casted him a sideway glance before her brow furrowed up in thought. She wouldn't question her superior officer of course but it did seem odd at how quickly Hackett had cut off communication and how little information he had given her. They would probably be welcomed and debriefed as to the current situation when he arrived but she hadn't even been able to asked any questions.

"Hey Hackett", Joker began, a frown on his face. "Nice to hear from you too, might of wanted to address that to the guy flying the ship."

"What's our ETA", Ashley asked, ignoring the annoyed statement of Joker and pulling up her omni-tool.

"Fifteen at the most", Joker stated, fingers gliding over the holo-screen, typing in the coordinates and beginning to steer the ship that way. Ashley patted him again, gently on the shoulder before turning away and heading for the elevator, the sound of her boots making a quiet click in the air. Ashley pulled up her omni-tool and sent out a ship-wide message for them to be ready and prepared for inspection in the cargo hold in ten minutes. Ashley sent sent a small smile to the crew up there with her, the men and women buzzing with energy as the small blue and green orb grew closer and closer to them. This may not be where they had come from, they may have only seen the planet during training, but this represented that they had won and they were going to a home. This was their homecoming and this was their moment to be infinitely proud of. She entered the elevator; several people including Traynor, followed her into the elevator and they began on their way down to the cargo hold. T-minus thirteen minutes until they would arrive and Hackett apparently would be check in on them.

* * *

The chattering and energized murmur fell silent as the doors of the cargo bay began to lower. The bulk of the Normandy's human crew stood in rows of ten; backs straight, arms by their sides, feet together, uniforms looking a little worse for wear but still professional. Traynor, Joker and Chakwas were placed in the front row, all Alliance personnel looking forward to the prospects of home. Shepard's personal crew was placed into a row of their own, standing in a line of their own. Tali, Garrus, Javik and Liara were dressed in their armor; their armor shined and buffed yet still looked worse for wear. Fixing their armor had been something they all had worked on together on the trip back, Garrus toting it as if they didn't look at least somewhat put together Shepard would mercilessly tease them. The week long trip back into the Sol system and to Earth, the spirit of the Normandy seemed somewhat uplifted by Garrus' steadfast belief in the Commander. The look of utter loss was lifted into a tired resignation and hopes for the best; people actually talking about the future and what it could hold instead of the hopelessness they thought they'd face coming back to Earth. James and Ashley were in dress blues, the two standing to the right of the the group of six. Ashley stood slightly out in front of the group, the intermittent Commander pulling her people together. Light poured in as the ramp of the cargo bay finally touched the ground, bathing everyone in white and blinding them slightly. Admiral Hackett began up the ramp, every member of the crew standing a bit straighter, a bit taller and all the Alliance members brought the hands up into a sharp salute. The Admiral appeared more worn, older, tired. The war had taken its toll on the man but within those blue eyes and the wrinkles that creased them, there was relief. They weren't narrowed in deep thought or analysis of whether this plan would be enough to get them by, no, they were relaxed. Two soldiers flanked his side, two more standing closer to the ramp's entrance and yet another three near the space car that he had come in. Security was probably still on high, it would be until a world-wide stability was put into place.

"I would like to thank each and every one of you for the service that you put into this war", Hackett began, clasping his hands behind his back. "As I've said, it was not one power that helped to win this war, but without the Normandy and its crew, it would have taken much longer to join our forces against their Reapers. This ship is a symbol of what inter-galatic alliances can look like; pulling species and the ingenuity of people, no matter who they are or where they're from and putting them forth for the greater good. While our homes, our families, our people may be damaged and broken right now, we will rebuild. Together, we can fix all that has gone awry and together we have the ability to achieve almost anything. We will face this future together, as one."

Admiral Hackett nodded at one of his men before going into a more comfortable stance. The man began down the ramp towards the space car, Hackett clearing his throat slightly to regain the attention of the men and women around him. The clapping and tears died down as all eyes were on Hackett once again.

"Without one person none of this would have been possible", Hackett said simply, eyes falling onto Shepard's personal crew. Garrus had gone still as a board, his hands squeezing one another tighter. He had been staring at the older man the entire time, trying to read his body language. Garrus knew Hackett wasn't an idiot, that he would have to address what, if anything, he knew about Shepard. "Without Commander Shepard's diligence these three years, there is no way we would be standing here to talk to you. She has gone far above and beyond her duties to not only the Alliance but the entire galaxy and we shall never forget her contributions."

"I'm flattered Admiral but I never could have done it alone."

That voice. Garrus could feel molten heat rush throughout his entire being, taking one then two steps forward. Spirits, he had been praying to them every single day but for her actually be here. He could hear the gasps of the other members of the crews, surprised calls of joy and happiness, but those noises were smothered as their eyes connected.

'I kept my promise'

'I never doubted you would'

'I missed you so damned much'

'Spirits, I'm so glad you're here'

'I love you'

'I love you'

The smile on Shepard's face grew as her pace up the ramp increased, ignoring the small limp in her left leg. Heat had flooded her body and her face, the pinkest of blushes staining her face as she made her way past Hackett without even a side glance and stared up into the intense ice blue eyes in front of her. His talons hovered for a moment, scared of touching her or the illusion would be completely broken. A warm keening purr rumbled in his sub-vocals as she wrapped her hand tightly around his talons and brought it to her face. She was cooler than normal but his touch burned her to the core. A choked laugh caught in her throat, her hazel eyes closing for a second as her smile grew even more. The softness of her skin nuzzled into the leathery warmth of his palm before his arms circled her waist and pulled her flush against him. The hardness of his armor was easily felt through the civilian clothes she was wearing, his arms wrapping completely around her small waist. Garrus' eyes closed as his forehead made contact with hers, the weight on his shoulders falling away in a moment. Ameenah tilted her head up slightly, her lips planting against Garrus' mouth, the hold he had on her tightening as life rushed into the both of them. Her hands creeped up and wrapped around his neck, fingers delicately rushing over his fringe before sweeping down to his mandibles, rising on her tip toes and pressing harder against him. The need for breath was the only thing that made them break apart, Garrus' eyes sweeping over her and doing the check. His eyes started at the top of her head, staring at the length of hair that looked like it had been shorn. His talons rose and gently stroked against the shortened strands; his eyes catching the slight twitch that pulled Shepard's lips downward. His thumb ran over her cheek again; a warm smile returning to her lips. The roundness in her face was gone and the bags under her eyes had returned. Her body looked so much smaller, the Alliance sweat suit hanging loosely on her smaller frame. His eyes came back up, locking with hers as a sheepish, embarrassed look crossing her face.

"Quit hogging her", Tali teased, watching as Garrus reluctantly released his hold on Shepard. The two women wrapped each other in a tight embrace before Tali released her and laughed softly. "Keelah Shepard..."

Tali pulled her into another hug before Liara rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the both of them. The three of them laughed softly, Garrus watching as she was surrounded by her team, the people that she considered family. He could feel the intense want to sweep her away and lock them both in their room and soak in her essence. But, Shepard didn't simply belong to him. She was a piece of all of them, important and differing in what she meant but still, they needed Shepard too. His mandibles flared slightly in a small smile as his head shook, staring with nothing but love at the impossible woman in front of him. She was receiving bear hugs and hard claps on the back, the only kind of homecoming deserving of her. Spirits, she had come back from the dead, defeated the Collectors and brought a galaxy together against the Reapers. With all they had lost along the way, Spirits they had lost so many, but she hadn't been amongst them. He watched as she turned and smiled at the people around her before watching her head twist and turn with her brow furrowed into confusion.

"Where's EDI?"

Shepard's voice was light, her words rolling off her tongue with a laugh of content at being home mixed it. The question cut through the room like an omni-blade, an uncomfortable silence falling on people as crew members looked at one another, unsure of what to tell their Commander.

"She is", Traynor began, her accented voice trailing off slightly, clear strain on her face. "She is currently incapacitated."

Shepard's eyes widened a bit, her lips pursing before her brow furrowed. Her eyes locked onto Traynor, the crumpled pained look on the comm specialist's face driving cold into her heart. Gulping, Shepard's eyes moved over the room, darted eyes and downward glances meeting hers until her eyes met Joker's. The pilot had given her a wide berth, but she accounted that to the fact that if he got too close to the group one could accidentally jostle him too hard and break a bone. Joker forced a pain smile onto his face, leaning back slightly on one of his foot.

"After the Crucible went off", he started before limping closer the Commander, the group parting. "She kind of just dropped. But hey, Commander, if any of her luck has rubbed off on her...I'm sure she'll be up any day."

Joker's pained face had hope edging on it but the pilot wasn't a natural optimist; he was forcing that train of thought and Shepard could see it. A watery smile ran over Shepard's lips as she reached out and placed her hand gently on Joker's shoulder before pulling him into a light hug.

"You know running an entire ship is kind of stressful", she started, laughing softly against his cheek. One of his arms reluctantly wrapped around her before they broke away, a larger smile on her lips. This was the same radiant smile she gave the scared colonists on Eden Prime and Zhu's Hope, the one she shared with crew members when they spoke of families and she reassured that they would be alright. This was a smile that lulled those into believing her, into giving what she had offered a chance. "So I guess she does deserve a little rest, right? We'll wake her up soon…"

Joker spared her a small smile, a scoff of a laugh shaking his head slightly before tipping his hat at the Commander. This was the 'power' of Commander Shepard; her ability to uplift, to make people rise above the darkness, to somehow grasp at the light. This was also how she got used so often by those who took advantage of her good will. The Alliance, Cerberus, hell even Hackett used her nature against her. Garrus shook his head slightly, shaking off the thought as his mandibles flared in a small smile. She wouldn't have it any other way, he knew that. Walking past his friends, he ignored the whispered cat calls as his hands fell upon her shoulder, drawing her attention to him. Her head tilted up towards him, her smile growing as she leaned into the cool of his armor.

"Commander Shepard."

Hackett's voice snapped most of the crews attention to him, Ameenah standing straighter but not breaking away from Garrus' touch.

"We have prefabs available for those that are ready to beginning processing and go groundside", he began simply. "The base camp is mixed species so there are rations available for the dextro crew members. We are also beginning to acquire a database of everyone that checks in with the Alliance, Hierarchy, Flotilla or Asari Republics. The Krogans, unfortunately do not have many lists compiled of their soldiers. I'm transferring information to Specialist Traynor so any personnel that will be leaving ship tonight, check in with her. You are all now officially on leave until announced otherwise. Dismissed."

* * *

A number of crew members took their leave from the ship, contacting whom they could to find out about family members that were either from Earth or had been evacuated to the planet. Others, without family decided that while they greatly appreciated the home the Normandy had become for them, they needed to get away. Many of the crew just needed a little bit of space for themselves, at least for the moment. No one could blame them. Shepard had seen each one of them off personally, saluting and shaking their hands as they made their way down the dock. Gabby and Ken both pulled her into a tight hug, promising that they would be back as soon as they got word from her. They just needed some privacy that the quarters on the Normandy would not provide.

Shepard turned on her heel as the cargo bay doors started to rise, a slow sigh leaving her lips. The cargo back had been cleared, save for her and Garrus now, the rest of the crew including Vega and Cortez having travelled to a different was admittedly tired, her body beginning to voice its troubles. She hadn't eaten since earlier that morning, her body demanding some form of sustenance soon or it would turn her limbs into jelly. Her body had burned through the calories that she had gotten used to consuming; all the extra activity and outpouring of emotions lapping hungrily at anything extra. Her stomach growled audibly, amplified by the emptiness of the cargo bay. A hot blush spread over her cheeks as dual-toned chuckling tickled her ears.

"Well that's a sound I didn't think I'd miss", Garrus stated, mandibles flared slightly in a small smirk. "Hungry? I'm sure we can find you something to eat before you begin to bite heads off."

A renewed spark boiled into Ameenah's belly, a surge of energy rushing back to her as she sauntered over to the much taller man. This was one thing Garrus had relentlessly teased her about, he stood at an astounding six foot, five inches and she was a mere five foot and three inches. Her fingers lightly danced across the edge of his armored carapace, her body pressing against his as her head tilted upwards and his downwards. Garrus relished in the soft squeak that left Ameenah's lips as he grabbed her under her ass and hoisted her up so he could finally see her face to face. her eyes stared into his coyly, her head dipping down as she looked at him through her eyelashes. She was relinquishing herself to him, allowing him to check, to touch as she had promised before she had left. A soft purring laugh reverberated through the both of them as Garrus tilted his head and pressed it against Ameenah's, their eyes still locked on one another. Ameenah's fingers danced across the softer skin of his neck and continued to dance upwards and right under his fringe. His mouth plates found her lips, spurred by her gentle touches and the feel of her skin and hair against him. The kiss was filled with the desperation that he hadn't been able to show before, the need apparent in his eyes to make sure this was real. To squash and belief that this could be yet another dream, that she would be snatched away as soon as he woke up. Shepard's legs wrapped themselves around his waist, locking her feet together as she felt his hand begin to travel from under her ass to under the hoodie and then the loose t-shirt. Ameenah's upper body arched into him as the heat of his talons touched the fresh skin on her back, her nerves screaming in surprise at the sensual contact. Their foreheads remained pressed togehter, Garrus' eyes closed as he let his fingers become his sight. He could feel new scars and the feel of fresh, smooth skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. Garrus had missed the feel of her soft skin against his talons, the cool warmth that fell underneath his fingertips, the touch a potent reminder of that she was real. As was the grumbling that had begun again in her stomach, pausing his touches and making them both break into laughs.

"Well I guess I shouldn't starve my girlfriend", Garrus joked lightly. "I guess it would look pretty bad; Commander Shepard survives the war only to perish from hunger because a handsy Turian wouldn't let her eat."

"I don't know", Ameenah hummed softly, a smile growing on her lips. "Can you imagine the headlines? Killer orgasm claims Commander Shepard; Turian Reaper Advisor brought in for questioning."

Ameenah's hand rose and pressed lightly against her lips and her laughter grew, body shaking with mirth. They both savored the feeling of skin on skin contact, a small pout forming on her lips as she was set down on the metal floors. Reaching out, she grabbed Garrus' hand tightly, lacing her fingers with his as the two made their way towards the elevator. Garrus' hand quickly reached out hitting the floor before grabbing Ameenah's hand again. Her thumb lightly ran over his talons, her ears picking up on the gentle hum of contentment coming from him. The elevator ride was always as it had been; slow, dreadfully slow. Although the music that EDI had installed in there as an joke per Joker's advice had been stopped, a small distraction that Shepard missed. Joker had taken her to EDI's stilled synthetic body, Shepard taking a moment alone to talk to the woman. So many had said that he was nothing but electronics and bolts, an advanced personality matrix that could trick them into believing there was an actual personality there. But no, all those people were wrong. EDI had an absolutely lovely personality; a cutting wit, tempered with a biting sarcasm that gave Joker's a run for its money. She had things that made her happy, made her smile and even if those eyes were synthetic, Shepard had seen the life and warmth behind them. She refused to believe that EDI was gone, no, they'd get her back. She'd swear on that. Shepard jumped as Garrus' opposite hand ghosted over her forehead lightly, drawing the woman from her thoughts and her eyes up to him. He was giving her that understanding look, as if he could read minds and simply knew what she had been thinking.

"We'll get her back", Garrus said, brow plates lowering into a look of understanding.

"Yeah", Ameenah agreed, voice thick as she forced down the negativity that threatened to overflow. "Yeah...we will."

As the doors parted, the glow of the fish tank tinted them both a light blue. A surprised huff passed by her lips as Ameenah ventured into their room, fingers pressing lightly against the glass, the fish behind them darting away in fear.

"They're alive", she breathed, a quiet laugh escaping her lips. She quickly counted all of them, eyebrows shooting up when she realized that not a single one had perished. That...was much better than the record she had made when the vessel still belonged to Cerberus. Garrus remembered telling her if she killed fish as well as she did, then the Reapers stood no chance. Garrus' eyes followed Ameenah as she made an about face and took the three steps to get to her space hamster, Cookie. She turned to him, an almost childlike look of thanks passing over her face before she scooped the small creature into her hands and cuddled and cooed to it. It had taken him more than one day of coddling to get the small rodent to eat without Shepard's presence there. Although he would never admit it, he did have to negotiate with the creature; extra pieces of peanut butter 'treats' that Shepard had got for him mixed in with his regular food. A puff of pride filled his chest, knowing that he had done something that would have seen so small but meant so much to her. Although, he did feel bad over the fact that some of her models had taken a beating when they made their crash landing. Several ones had come loose and crashed to the ground, pieces dashed everywhere. He would replace them for her, whenever the universe was righted. Shepard placed the small hamster back, turning back to look her tall boyfriend.

"Thank you", she said simply, stepping within his range and grabbing his hand. "Really...thank you."

She squeezed his hand tightly, the Turian squeezing before taking his hand from hers and leading her into the room, hand pressed to the small of her back. Shepard's eyebrow rose slightly as Garrus led her into their room, a soft surprised scoff leaving her lips. Now she understood where the Turian had disappeared to while she was saying goodbye to the last group. Her favorite MRE rested on the table, chili-mac with a side of a thick slice of calorie dense bread with a tube of cheese spread and a surprisingly soft piece of large pound cake to the side of her tray. He had even remembered the tabasco sauce that she put on practically every meal she ate; a habit from basic that she had yet to quit. Garrus had his vacca caro, something Shepard had likened to the shredded beef that came in their enchiladas but the sauce that was on it smelt super citrus-y and was pearlescent in color. The dried gray fruit and hard pieces of sweetened pane always made Ameenah question how good it was but Garrus had said the same thing about her food. He had even brought up that same bottle of wine they had half-finished before landing in London.

"Why Mister Vakarian", she began as she took the seat he motioned for her to take. "You shouldn't have. This is absolutely lovely."

"Thought you'd be impressed", her hummed softly, ushering her into the cushioned couch before taking his seat across from her. "Just wait until I show you what I have planned for when the Citadel is rebuilt. Might even take you to the sushi restaurant. Well, if you're not banned that is."

"Oh haha", she huffed, bumping against Garrus, chuckling as he bumped her back. "Let me remind you once again, I was simply a victim of circumstance. Cir-cum-stance."

"If you say so", Garrus said simply, picking up his fork and smirking at her. "If that's what helps you sleep at night, then who am I to deny it...well honest, but you believe what you'd like."

Rolling her eyes Ameenah grabbed her fork and pulled the small tray that held the food closer. As politely as her stomach would allow, Ameenah started to devour her meal. Garrus had more than grown used to the way she ate, a hybrid of fast as a starving varren but polite as a 'proper' lady. Food was dunked in sauces and mixed together, chewed thoroughly before swallowed and instantly followed by another bite. Shaking his head, a quiet snicker from his mouth as his food began to be eaten in large bites. They ate in a comfortable silence, exchanging the occasional glance and smile between bites, thighs and knees gently bumping against one another. Shepard's hand rose and pressed against her full stomach, a small sigh of contentment leaving her lips, eyes slipping closed as she leaned back into her seat. A full stomach warmed her through, a loved one at her side and the fact that she was actually home was sending waves of sleep over her. She was just so damned tired; a small cat nap couldn't hurt, he wouldn't mind. Then they could talk about what happened when they were apart, then she could give him the homecoming that their bodies demanded of each other.

There were bodies everywhere, thrown about like a child who had thrown their toys about in the midst of a tantrum. Limbs were twisted in ghastly directions, blood mixing together and looking sickly and black under the red lights. Garbled words whispered harshly in her ears, but nothing made any kind of sense, bits and pieces of words jumping out.

'Control. Synthesis. Destroy. Lives. Ruthless calculus. Promises.'

Anger, confusion, sorrow. It began to wrap around her an constrict her, screaming at her to decide dammit decide. And she did and she knows what she did dammit, she knows what she did.

Garus was allowing her a few moments peace, the bags under her eyes extremely revealing. It was just like before she left the Normandy, when she needed his contact to get at the very least four hours of sleep. Without him there, the dreams of the forests would leave her with this haunted look that she thrusted back into the back of her mind when she was in her 'Commander' mode. This was way different than her normal restless sleeps, she was visibly troubled. Her face would relax before twisting up, her hands twitching lightly in her laps, clenching into loose fists before relaxing.

"Shepard", he questioned, his voice soft as his hand lightly grazed her cheek. Her entire body lurched, a sudden heave of air filling her lungs, her hand grasping at her chest. Her eyes darted about wildly, confusion and fear written over her features. Garrus quickly pushed the table back, kneeling in front of Shepard and pulling her face into his hand and getting her to zero in on his face. "Hey hey...it was just a bad dream."

Garrus' dual toned voice vibrated through her, her eyes finally focusing on him, slowing as the tension in her body loosened. She blinked her eyes rapidly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion before her face lost its edge. She wrapped her arms around his wrists lightly, holding his hands there, closing her eyes and recentering herself. She needed him to ground her, to bring her back from that. Opening her eyes, she looked at him apologetically, eyes darting downward in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry."

It had taken her a moment to say that, her eyes darting back up to his before dipping back down.

"Heh guess I didn't make it out as flawlessly as I could have", she joked, bitterness tainting her attempt at humor. "Just been having those nightmares again...can't really remember this time around though. Haven't really been able to get a good nights rest, but I'm fine. Really...Well I'll be fine. But the mood, I guess...I guess I ruined-"

Ameenah's words were quickly silenced with a kiss, her eyes going wide as she felt his hand drag down from her face and was placed under her chin. Warmth rushed through her as she suddenly broke away, quickly taking in the breath he had stolen. He didn't allow her to turn away, his ice blue eyes scolding her.

"We really need to work on your rambling", he teased lightly, the calming hum of his subvocals sounding more like purrs than anything else. "And Shepard, you should know it takes a lot more than that to chase me off. If I can take a bullet wound, I think I can handle the nightmares, ama."

A choked laugh fell from her lips, a smile cracking the listless look on her face, the use of the Turian word for beloved drawing her out. Humor was what they had used to defuse the most stressful of situations. Being able to smile and laugh on the battlefield while sharing quick quips with one another was something that they had become known for, pulling the rest of their crew (especially Tali) into. She pressed his other hand closer to her skin, breathing in deeply before letting out a quiet breath. He was her rock, the one that promised he would catch her when she felt like falling. She would be alright as long as she was in his hands, and if she wasn't currently alright then she would get there. Again, she released yet another breath before a warmer smile touched her lips; falling into the comfort of his eyes.

"Well then", she murmured softly, turning her head to lightly kiss his palm. "Why don't we try to relight the flame."

* * *

Garrus' arm wrapped tightly about her waist pulling her body flush against his, the smaller woman pushing back into him. Ameenah could barely keep her eyes open, her body completely spent of all her energy, grabbing his hand around her waist and bringing it to her lips. The heat of his body warmed her to the core, her body curling up as she snuggled closer to him. This was what home felt like to her; in her own room, on her own ship with the man that she loved. The galaxy had suffered through so much fighting and death and destruction and maybe this time would yield peace. Maybe there would be time for her to rest, to retire somewhere 'warm and tropical' and let the universe fix itself. Eyes slipping completely closed, she accepted that these breaks may not be permanent but at least she could rest for now.

"I love you Garrus Vakarian", Ameenah hummed out softly against his skin, a sleepy smile spreading on her lips as she felt a rumble of happiness against her back.

"I love you too Ameenah Shepard", he stated back, pressing a kiss to the back of her head as they allowed sleep to overtake them.


End file.
